O is for: Ossify, Ostentatious, and Offler.

 

O is for: Ossify, Ostentatious, and Offler.

The letter O, one of our precious vowels, could – with some justification - be held up as being a well-rounded letter.

But that would be feeble joke, most undeserving of both you and the letter itself. But without the letter O, nobody would be born in October. Instead, it would Ctber, which is a miserable collection of letters, totally unpronounceable unless you’re Polish or Bosnian.

It certainly wouldn’t be Ostentatious. There is, I think, both bloody awful and quite good Ostentatiousness. Eiffel’s tower, for instance, was described as ostentatious, and worthy of being torn down immediately after the 1889 World’s Fair for which it was built. Fortunately, some wise Parisian heads prevailed, and the Tower continues to surprise and please a gazillion people every year. Well, in these days of Covid, that number might have come down to the mid-tens. Perhaps 16.

Klimt may be described as Ostentatious: The Kiss, an achingly beautiful creation, drips with gold and fantasy.

It is certainly Ostentatious. But it works. Question: is she welcoming his attentions, or struggling to get away from him? I pick the latter.

But then there’s Dubai. At first glance, perhaps even second or third glance, Dubai has a “wow!” factor. But… really? It’s a display of over-abundant wealth, of manipulation, of the exploitation not only of the earth, but of the tens of thousands of workers who built the place. Its foundations are blood, oil, and power.

Or is the city a demonstration of progress, of growth?

I watched a 10 minute clip on You Tube last night. It took us on a quick trip around ten towns and villages in France. Medieval towns, with narrow stone alleyways, canals, and bright castles with crenellations and confections: and I asked myself how these places thrive. 

Tourism, wine, cheese. Being beautiful. Obviously.

I live in a tiny nation that prides itself on knocking down any building that more than 50 years old.  Very little is given a chance to grow old, to drip with faded dreams and romance.

A small building in Wellington is struggling for a future right now. It is older than most and is thought to be unsafe should an earthquake strike. It has already survived many earthquakes, which may have taken a toll on its reserves of strength. The owner is suggesting shifting this “frail” building to a new site, and strengthening it at its new home. To me, it belongs where it is. It is not beyond human ingenuity to strengthen it in situ. And I, for one, would not argue too vociferously if the nation were to set up a fund to assist old and frail buildings to have a much longer hold on life. I can't find a photograph. Maybe I imagined it.

I discussed the matter with Offler the Crocodile God the other day, and she agreed with me. This is one of her strengths, of course: she often does agree with me.

If you haven’t met Her Ladyship yet, allow me to introduce you: Offler the Crocodile God is the head of a holy triumvirate: Offler herself, her daughter Brenda, the Holy Lipless Egg, who – naturally – can’t speak. Eggs don’t have mouth. Or legs.

I must emphasise that the picture is not Offler. It is obviously a cartoon crocodile, while Offler is real. And camera shy.

Offler lives on the banks of the Whanganui River, a hundred or so metres downriver from a magnificent Taniwha. She’s a little nervous of the Taniwha, because he doesn’t dance. Offler and Brenda can often be seen dancing, and it is a joyous sight. Offler also has a handbag: a kete, a regular basket of knowledge. She can dip into it and find in it whatever you may need. She found a forty-five-year-old Wellington bus ticket for me the other day, which reminded me of a happy time I spent one afternoon, riding with a friend, me pretending to find fleas and lice in her hair and, like a joyful chimpanzee, capturing and eating them. Other passengers were either disgusted or entertained.

You will hear more from Offler as the year progresses. She has told me she wished to share her wisdom with more people.

This morning she said to me 

“Never turn away from an opportunity to eat a doughnut or, when I think of it, a cruller.”

O Poets and Writers:

Oscar Wilde!

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

“To live is the most precious thing of all. Most people exist: that is all.”

“It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.”

 

Wilfred Owen

Red lips are not so red as the stones stained with war’s dead.

The Old lie: it is sweet and fitting to die for your country.