S is for The Almighty Schwa, and Stuff.

 

One would think that an alphabet of 26 letters is quite enough, thankyou very much. And it may well be. But.. some would have it that we need another Vowel. A, E, I, O, and U just don’t cut it any more. Not in the Modern World.

They may have a case.

There is an argument for Y being a sometime vowel: The Happy Hippy gives a Y an “ee” sound. The word Why gives Y a, well, a why sound.

I would like everyone to take note of this symbol: ə. It’s a SCHWA. Pronounce it as you will. It doesn’t mind. It is, after all, the Almighty Schwa. And it's pretty cruisy. Relaxed. Lazy, really. 

It describes that funny little "uh" sound that all the vowels make occasionally. Look at the Hypocritical Hippopotamus. Using the Schwa, this would be spelled as Həpəcritical Hipəpotəməs. Miserly would be Misərly. The Schwa is that interesting little strangled “uh” sound that most written vowels often make.

Perhaps Noah Webster was right in popularizing the so-called American spelling system. He didn’t originate it. (Swingin’ Bill Shakespeare, for instance, spells “colour” and “centre” most often as COLOR and CENTER) But he joined with a widely spread bunch of etymologists, researchers, and writers in popularizing the Simplified English Spelling system. These fine persons lived on both sides of the Atlantic, so to even call it American spelling is incorrect. It’s simply… simpler spelling. He was, incidentally, 70 years old when his Dictionary was first published (1828), and the two-volumes set the buyer back $20. That’s $550 in today’s money, folks. And it seems people liked it a lot.

It was more than something to put on a bookshelf, although doubtless some did buy it as a status symbol.  It was a massively important document, and deserves its fame. I am a Chamber’s man, though, and use the old-fashioned English. Bah! ‘pon my honor, Sir, I shood radikalize my speling! But then – even fewer people would understand me.

Speaking of stuff. Which we weren’t, although people who by books by the spine colour for their bookshelves are definitely Stuff people. “I’ll have 1.5 metres* of Red, 2 of Green, and if you could find 3.9 metres of Mauve books, that would be perfect.”

*My Spell-check thingy is insisting this should be meters. 

Stuff. I’m reading Philip Coggan’s MORE: The 10,000 Year Rise of the World Economy. And it’s all about how Making and Trading Stuff has enriched mankind, brought wealth, health, and happiness to countless millions of humans.

It will, of course, eventually drown us.

But he makes some very good points. Average life expectancy around the world in 1850 was close enough to 30 years. I would be dead twice over. Phoenix would have run through a third of his life (he’s 10).

Today the average life expectancy globally is over 76. Hurrah! I have another 7 years to go. Phoenix will live long enough to go surfing at Ohakune! Yay!

And poverty has shrunk from 95% of the world’s population to 10%. Still too high, of course. (Come on Jacinda & Co! Work harder!).

But this has meant a towering global trade structure, built on better transport and the ubiquitous container – and the burning of billions of tons of fossil fuels.

 That which makes us healthier and wealthier will kill us.

And with that happy thought:

S POETS!

Percy Bysshe Shelley

"A man, to be greatly good, must imagine intensely and comprehensively; he must put himself in the place of another and of many others; the pains and pleasures of his species must become his own."

"Government is an evil; it is only the thoughtlessness and vices of men that make it a necessary evil. When all men are good and wise, government will of itself decay."

I reckon the planet will belong to the lizards again before that happens, Percy ole pal. (Why not Pursey?)

Shel Silverstein

I will not play tug o' war.

I'd rather play hug o' war.

Where everyone hugs instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins."

Sweet William Shakespeare

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

William wrote a thousand more quotes. To be truly inspired, one should read his sonnets. I last did this about 15 years ago, and my ears are still ringing.